Dating is hard for anyone, but for Christian women, it can feel almost impossible. Christians are playing by a different set of rules than unbelievers are, and as a Godly woman, you’ve got to make sure you don’t lose sight of God or his biblical wisdom.
Before you download that dating app or ask out that co-worker, here’s some essential Christian dating advice for women that you don’t want to overlook.
Don’t Waste Your Time on Someone You Don’t Have a Future With
While nonbelievers might date casually or just for the experience, the stakes are higher for Christian women and men – most Christians are dating to marry, not just to have fun.
You may not know whether you’re going to marry someone based on a few dates, but there are a few ways to tell if you don’t have a future with them – for instance, if they’re a nonbeliever, there’s a good chance you won’t be walking down the aisle with them.
(Check out 1 Corinthians 7:39 and 2 Corinthians 6:14 to see what the Bible says about marrying nonbelievers).
Some Christian women may date nonbelievers with the purpose of witnessing to them, but this is “missionary dating,” and it’s usually a bad idea.
There’s no guarantee that your non-Christian partner will ever want to form a relationship with God, and over time, the fundamental differences in your beliefs can cause damage to your relationship with the partner – and, more importantly, your relationship with Jesus.
This isn’t to say God doesn’t use Christians to bring nonbelievers to him, but as a Christian woman, you shouldn’t seek out these relationships. Instead, you want to date someone who is going to bring you closer to God, not farther away.
Ultimately, you shouldn’t waste your time with anyone that isn’t marriage material. Regardless of your intentions, you’ll only be forming an attachment to a relationship that has an expiration date.
Related Resource: Best Dating Sites for Christians
Don’t Settle (But Keep Your Expectations Realistic)
One of the most common pieces of dating advice you’ll hear as a Christian woman is not to settle – and it’s true. You deserve more than a man who doesn’t respect God, you, or himself. There’s nothing wrong with having non-negotiables, dealbreakers, or boundaries; the right Godly man will respect those boundaries, not try to push them.
However, it’s important that you don’t get caught up in the details that don’t matter – you want to make sure your partner checks the important boxes on your list, but it’s okay if they don’t meet every single requirement that you have.
You don’t need to marry a perfect man because you’ve already found a perfect God in Jesus Christ.
Look Out For “Mr. Perfect”
Speaking of perfect, if you do come across a guy that seems just too good to be true, that can be a red flag. Nobody is flawless, and even if you don’t see those flaws immediately, they’re going to eventually pop up.
A guy who tries to be perfect may actually get mad if you point out one of his flaws or shortcomings – which is not a good basis for any relationship, especially a godly one.
A man who’s unwilling to let go of his pride and arrogance can’t get any closer to God, and he won’t bring you closer to Jesus, either.
When you’re younger, Christian girls may be drawn to the popular guy on campus or the captain of the football team – but the more mature you become, the more this changes.
Many mature Christian women, especially those that have spent quite a bit of time in the dating scene, find humility more attractive than social status or arrogance.
A humble man not only recognizes that he has shortcomings and flaws, but he’s willing to work on those issues to draw closer to God.
Pay Attention to Character, Not Talent
There’s a reason why so many Christian girls or women have a crush on the single worship leader or the young, unmarried pastor. Not only are these people usually have a natural charisma that draws others to them, but their walk with Christ is extremely visible.
Entire congregations look up to these leaders every Sunday, and that kind of spiritual maturity or close relationship with God can be appealing.
However, just because someone has the talent to play worship songs well or create a great sermon doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to make a great husband or bring you closer to Christ.
Not all church leaders may be as Godly as they seem when they’re up on stage, so it’s crucial not to be moved by charm or talent alone.
The Godly man that Jesus wants to pair you with may not be able to play the guitar or lead the congregation in prayer, but that doesn’t mean he won’t have fantastic character.
The bottom line is that a mature relationship with God doesn’t always come with a leadership position or an amazing talent – so be careful that you’re not fooled by theatrics.
How Do Your Friends and Family Feel?
Being in love can create tunnel vision, and you don’t want to discount the support of your friends and family.
It’s natural for one or two people in your life to have concerns, but if everyone in your life thinks that your boyfriend is a bad influence or that things aren’t going to end well, that’s a red flag that the relationship doesn’t have the strong foundation with Christ that you want it to.
However, this doesn’t mean that you need to agree or automatically obey everything you hear from your friends or family. There may be times when God is leading you in a direction that they don’t understand – but you shouldn’t completely ignore their advice either.
More often than not, the spiritually mature people around you may be able to pick up on hidden red flags that you can’t or get a clear picture that’s not clouded by love or infatuation.
Let Yourself Heal From Past Relationships
For many Christian women, their first relationships aren’t their last ones – you may even go through a few serious relationships before you end up with the man you’re going to marry.
For some Christian women, it’s easy to jump from relationship to relationship, but this tactic can create a lot of damage. Without healing, you could end a great new relationship before it even truly begins.
So, before you enter into any relationship, both partners need to make sure they’re emotionally and spiritually ready. If you’ve been hurt by a past relationship, it’s important that you take time to heal from those past experiences. Talk to a Christian counselor, spend time with God, and forgive yourself.
And, if you suspect that your partner hasn’t healed from their past experiences, you may want to encourage them to seek counsel as well before you become serious.
Follow God’s Lead
How sure are you that you know what’s best for you and your dating life? Mature, smart Christian women can recognize that God is the only one who truly knows what’s best for them. You may have hopes or wants for your dating life, but if you want to draw closer to God, you’ll need to defer to Him first.
You may think that you’ve met the man you’re going to marry, but God could have a different plan in mind. So don’t forget to spend time with His word or in prayer when you’re feeling unsure about what he has in store for you next.
Many Christian women (and men) are eager to get their lives started with the partner that God has promised them. But whether you’re 18, 22, 32, or 42, you’ve got to remember that your timing may not always match up with God’s.
God has someone in mind for you, and you’ve got to be patient while He leads you to them. Of course, being patient can be tricky if everyone around you is meeting their soulmate – but God’s plan is different for everyone.
Maybe part of His plan for your life needs to happen alone before you can meet your husband.
Ultimately, don’t try to rush God or His timing – you could end up veering off-course altogether or missing the person He intended for you.
Check Out eHarmony
For many Christian women, it’s hard enough to find a Christian man in person, and traditional dating apps don’t let themselves to Christian dating.
However, eHarmony is the exception – not only can you find like-minded Christians easily, but it’s also a lot easier to weed out the ones you know you don’t have a future with.
While God’s plan doesn’t always feel crystal clear to us, rest assured that He does have a plan in mind for every single Christian woman.
You may need to be patient, but in the meantime, don’t waste your time where there’s no future, don’t settle for less than you deserve, look out for anyone who claims to be perfect, allow yourself to heal from the past, and don’t forget to be patient with God’s timing.
Whether you meet your future husband tomorrow or in ten years, it’s all part of God’s plan.